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As I let death in, I am at peace

I used to be afraid of dying, but that was when i was a religious nut and i was afraid of the idea of burning in  eternal flames. But now, now...the thought of death comforts me. Death has become like a paradise that i long for everyday, a place of eternal peace, an escape from the noise that is life.

I think i died once, I almost drowned as a child, all i remember is the light of the sun hitting the water and my eyes wide open staring into the darkness of the water hole. I felt no pain, just an intense sense of peace.  The first time i tried to die (intentionally) , i was angry. I didn't want to die, my soul was filled  with rage from years of emotional abuse and i just wanted to escape and hurt them at the same time. I  felt like i had no way out of a bad situation. So with tears in my eyes,  an enormous pressure in my chest and thick knob in my throat that made it almost impossible to breathe, I started concocting  my death potion. I mixed up some toothpaste, barbecue spice and…

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