Oh God, I'm losing it!!

I saw my ex again today,
But unlike all the other times, he wasn't the ghostly figure that usually disappeared into the crowd everytime that I tried to have a second look at him, (just to make sure that I wasn't crazy).

But if I was seeing him, I must surely be crazy. It has been months since I last saw him and like always, before I could catch up to him, he was gone.

Today was something different though, today he didn't hide from me,
There he was, wearing a cap like he always did when we were together, (something to do with having "an airport" of a forehead, he had said when I had asked him why he always wore it.) He was wearing black shorts which hung little below his knees , a black T, black slippers and the silver rosary that always hung around his neck ( which I always found weird since he wasn't exactly religious).

I thought he had finally stopped following me wherever I went,  and there he was in front of me again, strolling down the road with his arm around another girl's waist… he looked...Happy.

I thought that the day I would see him  again I would surely die, because everytime that I had seen him before, I had these mini strokes and I would be left frozen for a minute or so, but not this time, not the time that I was actually supposed to be frightened because this time he didn't bother to hide, he looked  directly at me....and he smiled.

I sat there at the back of the cab stunned but not angry with him, not scared, not wanting to run up to him and asking him why,
Why he had treated me like crap when I was the only woman who stuck by him through his darkest phase,
I didn't want to run up to him and tell him that I was too good for him anyway, I didn't want to tell him how I thought about him sometimes, I didn't want to ask why he disappeared everytime that I saw him.
I  didnt hate him anymore, I didn't feel sorry for myself for what he and I put me through before, I didn't want to ask why he left just when things between us were okay.

I was blank, I sat in the cab completely at peace for the first time in 3years,
Because thats how long he's been haunting me on and off, because you see, my ex, he's been dead for 3years now.
And today, the pain he caused me when he was alive, how worthless he made me feel, how he broke me...and how he made peace with me  just days before he died, leaving me in utter confusion,

Today all that didn't matter,
Today, at the back of that cab, I felt joy, when I saw him, I smiled, for I had finally lost it,
All the pain that he left me in, It was all gone.