The Trickster Tricked: Mind Games

"Game over! You lose...Again"

I really didn't see it coming this time,
No, this time I was oblivious to what was happening.
I had been feeling so good for a while, I mean why wouldn't I feel good, I had finally figured it out.
I finally knew what "it" was, I knew where it came from.
"Oh I am such a fool! How could I not see what this is if has been staring me in the face all my life??" "I'll fix it" I thought, "I've got it all figured out".

So wiser me, set a trap...I would wait for it, and trap it before it traps me.
" After I've caught it, I'll break its core and I'll have total control over it, I know when its coming"

I sat, and I waited impatiently and hopefully for my impending victory, I saw it coming my way and then...It all goes blank..
And The next moment, I woke up with a pounding head and red stain on my bed ,again..
And there it was, right next to me in bed with a smug look on its face, "Good morning beautiful, you look genuinely surprised?! Wait,You didn't really  think that you could rid yourself of me that easily now, did you?
"Fuck, how..."
I bury my face in my pillow, "just hold it a little longer my love, just a little longer and all this madness will fade away" It says. "Ah!" I lift my head from my pillow, breathless."You crazy bitch! You almost smothered me with my own pillow! You're sick!"

I tried to get up, and I fell to the floor, my body barely alive, I smell half dead too, "I'm going to take a walk, clear my head" I thought, 'cause I don't understand, how did it catch me?? I saw it coming, I was ready for goodness sake!" I shook it off, and rushed out of the door in the previous nights stained clothes.My big white top looked like evidence from a crime scene, it was half covered in blood red stains too, just like my bed and I smelled like the lovechild of a winery and a brewery.

I stumbled out of the door, and I was met by the chilling cold of a winter night.."cold" I thought and I wanted to go back inside where it was warm, but my body was out of my control. It was drawn to the discomfort that the cold made me feel, so it stepped out the door without my consent, and took me along with it, I was a prisoner in my own vessel.
I started walking down the road, confused and feeling defeated, and then I heard it say "There's a car coming fast, walk in front of it" and  then its voice flooded my mind " Why are they staring? Its your hair, its your face, its your clothes, you look ugly, they can hear your thoughts", "the guy he might have a gun, pick a fight with him,maybe he'll shoot you",  "walk off that bridge", "there are pills in your cabinet, drink them all at once, drink them all with wine, its your favorite" , "Diiiiiiiieeeee!'

It was back with a vengeance, and brought its evil accomplice along with it,
"Stooooooooooopp! Fucking stop it!!! Stop fucking with me! Leave me alone, I don't wanna hurt anybody!! I don't wanna hurt anybody!!!"

"Beeeeeeeeeep!!! What's wrong with you miss?? Get out of the road!!?, do u have a death wish??" And just like that, I snapped back to reality, I had been two hours since I had left home to take a walk, and I stood a few metres away from our yard, I was standing I the middle of the road with my hands against my ears, drenched in sweat with tears streaming down my face, I was shaking,..
I was disoriented, my head started spinning, I looked around, screaming "Leave me alone!!! Leave me alone!!" But my mouth stayed shut, "Help me! It has me! Its hurting me" I yelled, but it held my mouth shut .Nobody could hear me, they just looked at me with fear and contempt and whispered "she's a strange one isn't she?mad, she's utterly mad!"
I ran back into the house, sobbing uncontrably and stripped myself naked and walked into the bathroom, I washed my faced and stared at myself in the mirror, shaking, frightened, and there it was...
It was waiting for me in the mirror, It was staring back at me, "Hello, beautiful..you'll never get rid of me...you know why? You know why?"...I stood there in silence for a while, and then my eyes welled up with tears, and grew wide with fear at the horror that was the answer to its question,
And in sync the answer came from my voice and its voice "CAUSE I'M YOU"

My mind had played a trick on me....Again.
Because "It" that haunting demon, that fiend , was a part of me..That fiend DEPRESSION, and its acommplice ANXIETY,
I thought that I was in control, but my mind played a trick on me, again...




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